Death Suicide Despair Poetry

ISBN: 978-1-84747-528-2
Published: 2008
Pages: 77
Key Themes: a poetic treatise against commiting suicide from a man who knows the temptation

Description

A collection of poems and prose poems, an exploration of a life, of suffering and of recovery.

About the Author

I’d Once Heard it Said

“You’re no good”, followed by violence and more words. He grew up hearing he was no good, he even believed it, right through his working life

But one day de decided to go back to school, over 40, no qualifications, and people were laughing behind his back – but they weren’t laughing when he got 9 Distinctions and 9 Merits H.N.D

2001 graduated, degree from Southbank University, but all the time memories of what he was called as a child dogged him, followed him like a bad smell. No one ever said he’d done something good, never encouragement, only pain. He was the only person I’d heard of who graduated with Narcolepsy – slept throughout his course and still passed. Lost eight stone and still never thought he had done anything special.

2004 found him at Poetry Group where he started to write what he felt like. Death and Suicide. After many attempts he found himself seeing a Psychiatrist, who said, “You display a lot of signs of Aspersers Syndrome”, and he thought – just another whip for his back.

However he came to understand just what had caused his troubled life, no friends, isolated, always on his own. Only death was his friend.

His mother who had always said the most terrible things to him, made him feel like committing suicide. If he had Aspersers, could other family members have it?

His brother said to him, out of the blue, he’d lost two kids; one would be 9 now and the other 4. He replied, “That’s sad, that’s something you never get over”.

His brother said “He had.” Later that night he told his mother who replied “That’s his problem”. He said in a soft voice “That’s insensitive” – a short silence, and his mother replied “Yes, but I already knew”. He replied, “Don’t worry, but don’t say it to him”

Then it struck him, it was not said with malice or to cause pain it was just said like you might say “Good morning Aspersers”.

If you feel like jumping off, it’s said by the time you hit the bottom you have forgotten why you jumped. Don’t.

If you want people to know, then don’t. How will you know? You’re dead.

If you are alone, not loved, rejected. Don’t

He wrote with a smile as they said “Where’s Jason gone - to join the one million?”

It is written that one million people a year commit suicide.

DON’T. 17/03/08

Book Extract

The miracle of life, when life become to much to bear and people all a round you, don’t see your needs. The special peoples the one who say they love you, just don’t under stand All you want-is to be alone. Isolation, your mind torments you, but only you. For no one else can see, the dissolution you feel with in

The final disparate act suicide. The slow I’d don’t care any more do you know what that mean, say it out loud just feel the word, I hope you never know the feeling as life leave. The blankness of unconchestsnes, but only to wake up IN intense care

The doctor tell your love ones you wont make it, what he said was I don’t expect you to return to the ward. Where was that concern before death came to torte me, laying unaware the days past, It been 5 days your now sent back to award, but you still don’t want to see any one. But there all there, not leaving you alone

It like it never happens. No one who count, only the love ones you don’t want to talk to

It hidden as if it never happens. No love, no problem should destroy your life, but it does

I often think suicide what dark buries in your mind, some thing you don’t want any one to know, it mean so very much to you. How strange no one else is bother, they much prefer you to be a round. The dark secret that no one else knows or care is not that dark after all. Tell every one, there get over it. It may be strange to you but no one else care. For they are living there own life. They don’t under stand they can’t under stand the toture mind with in

All about are sick peoples, on the ward but I don’t speak to any one I’d just want to die, to be left alone

I am now well enough to speak but I have nothing to say. The doctor said ”these pills will fixed you up”. After a suicides attempt the doctor said you must talk to the psychiatrist

When he arrive I watch him walk up to the bed for a young man he look old tired, wore out. The long white coat, no stethoscope how can he help me when can’t help him self. I think he should be in my bed. He look like he’d walk a mile in my shoes, but they were too big for him. I notice his long arm, I tell him what trouble me, he write it down on his note pad a number of points, I notice his chin is long, then he answers my questions

There some thing strange about him. I

just can’t put my finger on it. But he continues to answers my question with the words that ok follow by a line OF THAT OK, that all right .The answers that it alright to commits suicide. As he walks away I remember his bottom lip was over the top one, just how hairy he was. He skip a long with long arm, just like a child with her skipping rope Then I realize the monkeys have taken over the zoo.